Some people often sacrifice their self-respect for the approval of others .They simply do not know how to say no—and they suffer because of it .But people can change .You can learn to state your feelings and expectations in ways that protect your integrity and engender respect.

Part Ⅰ

Example“: You’ve been getting to work late, but I know you’re not a morning person and it’s hard to get moving so early.” When you provide an excuse, the other person gets the message that what has been done is okay .This sets the stage for continued bad habits .Further, you are regarded as unwilling to follow through.

Part Ⅱ

Three hours after telling his son to clean up his room, a father says“, I’m sorry I talked to you that way, son .You know I didn’t really mean it .I know you would have cleaned up your room on your own.” When an apology is made after the fact, it is usually the result of guilt or fear that has built up .To undo a forceful statement in this way causes a loss of respect.

Part Ⅲ

Examples: “The boss says that you should—”or“ Your mother said—”These statements place you in the role of messenger without any real authority .You will be taken as a much stronger person if you make statements beginning with“: I want you to—”

Part Ⅳ

If you cannot be calm, your responses will probably be too aggressive .Besides, when you are angry, the other person is apt to become defensive .Then the real issue usually won’t get resolved .The key is not to allow yourself to be provoked by the other person’s overly emotional reactions to what you say .Your calmness will often have a quieting effect on him.

Part Ⅴ

Maintain eye contact while you talk. Instead of continually restating your case, use silence for reinforcement .Make appropriate (but not aggressive) gestures to emphasize what you say.

 

Now match each part(1～5) to the appropriate statement.

Statements

1 .Part Ⅰ

2 .Part Ⅱ

3. Part Ⅲ

4. Part Ⅳ

5. Part Ⅴ

 

A .Don t shift responsibility for your actions to others.

B. Be polite.

C. Solve the problem as soon as it arises.

D. Make good use of nonverbal (非语言) cues.

E. Don’t make an apology for making a reasonal demand.

F. Don’t give the other person a ready-made excuse.

G. Separate anger from determination.